My abdominal myomectomy surgery is scheduled for the fourth week of January. The newest COVID Omicron surge has delayed and even caused surgeries to be canceled unless they are emergencies. I just received a voice mail from my doctor informing me that the surgery I have scheduled is still on, but if it gets canceled, we can do the surgery using a robot. Somehow this makes me feel better, as that means it will not be an open surgery. Either way, I need to have surgery. I have 12 fibroids—a couple big ones, and the biggest one is pressing on my bladder. At my first appointment with my surgeon, he told me my uterus is the size of a 16-week pregnancy (yes, that’s four months!).
Let me back up a little bit. I’ve had fibroids for several years, and I didn’t really think too much about them, because I only had one or two and they weren’t too big. I’ve had them monitored using an intravaginal ultrasound, and they weren’t big enough to do anything about except continue to monitor. When it came time in June 2021 for my annual pelvic exam, I had a follow-up ultrasound with an OBGYN who was new to me, and she practiced in the same office as the fibroids specialist I had been referred to. Well, I hadn’t heard anything regarding the ultrasound from this OBGYN—I will call her Dr. S—after my test in June. Typically, no news is good news. As the summer went on, I did experience pelvic discomfort/pain similar to menstrual cramping that leveled me with a heating pad and sometimes Tylenol. This wasn’t while I was menstruating though. Memories of my primary care physician saying if you are in constant pain, that’s when you need to do something about the fibroids. I figured my pain/discomfort wasn’t all the time, so I’m fine.
Now get this! I go to Dr. S for a follow-up in late November and find myself ushered into her office. I let the nurse know I’d scheduled a follow-up exam not a consult, and she tells me that the doctor said that I wanted to talk to her. Well, that was not true; I scheduled an exam, not a consult, but okay, I’m here, let’s hear what’s up. It’s been six months since I’ve seen this doctor and had the ultrasound. Dr. S comes in, sits down, and proceeds to tell me that she has been trying to get in touch with me, but my voice mail is full. I really don’t know why she is telling me about my voice mail and respond that, my voice mail is not full. It may have been full for a day or two, but it’s not full now, and it hasn’t been full for some time. This gets even more bizarre. She tells me that she wants to call my phone and see if the voice mail is full. I feel like I am at the theater watching an actor go through the motions of a sad, lackluster, uncompelling farce. Then out it comes. My ultrasound results show I have an enlarged uterus and seven fibroids, two of which are large. I’m still not thinking this is a big deal because, if it was, why am I only hearing this news six months after the test? No e-mail or paper mail notifying me to call the office for my ultrasound test results—nothing except an accusation that my voice mail is full six months after the fact. Wow. I was in disbelief and stunned.
So, on my way out of the appointment, I had begun to figure out that I needed to follow-up with the fibroids specialist and asked Dr. S to send my test results to him. Her face contorted and she looked a little worried.
Fast forward a week or two later. I’m on a Zoom call with the fibroid specialist and am feeling a little uneasy. I ask him if he were me what would he do. He suggests removing my uterus. I may have turned white; my eyes got huge, and my jaw dropped. I don’t know if I started shaking during the Zoom call or after. I hear a voice accuse me, “you asked what I would do.” Like my reaction was somehow inappropriate. I responded calmly that I didn’t expect to hear that and that that sounds extreme. He proceeded to run down the list of the options to deal with the fibroids. The one that sounded most appealing to me was laparoscopic surgery to remove the fibroids, which leaves the reproductive organs intact. Not excited about the idea of having surgery, but this option sounded WAY better than removing my uterus. Now just to be clear, if I had to remove my uterus, I would. But if I don’t have to have my uterus removed, I’m not interested in that option.
I had miraculously scheduled an appointment with my primary care physician, Dr. Farah Kahn, for later that afternoon. When I told her that the fibroid specialist wanted to remove my uterus, she flipped out! This made me feel cared for--someone was sticking up for me without me even asking. That felt really good! While I was in the exam room, she got on the phone and called the top gynecologic surgeon in my area and, with all my specifics, got a consult from him right there on the spot. So the very next day I’m in the gynecologic surgeon’s office. My test results are reviewed, I receive a physical exam as well as warm, receptive, and thorough communication. I love this doctor! His name is Dr. Azizi.
Fast forward a little over a month--a road trip from Chicago to southern Florida and a plane ride back to Chicago later, I’m ready for my MRI. Over an hour in the tube (with anti-anxiety medication—thank goodness!). The day after the MRI, I’m in Dr. Azizi’s office again. I have 12 fibroids now, and the biggest one has gotten bigger and is pressing into my bladder. Yes, that does contribute to another fibroid symptom, frequent urination. Additionally, I have a low back disc herniation and that has been flaring up more frequently too. But now I’m wondering if the pain I’m feeling is more about the fibroids or if my back injury is being aggravated by the fibroids. It’s like, what is really going on here? (That’s rhetorical.)
I am ready to have these fibroids removed. And I am preparing myself for surgery. I have some great support. I have an amazing physical therapist who connected me with a woman who had open abdominal surgery. It was reassuring to hear about her experience and what to expect. I have an awesome therapist and acupuncturist. I spoke with both my yoga teacher and his wife who used to be a registered nurse and is a yoga therapist. My boyfriend is there for me when I need him. My mom and dad are so super supportive. I feel supported by my yoga students too! I love receiving words of encouragement like it’s a good thing to do for yourself and you’ll feel like a million bucks when you’re through all of this. These words are small acts of kindness and they make a big difference in the way I feel on the inside.
Unless my surgery gets moved up to next week, I will have a whole week and a half to prepare. Preparation for surgery has already begun. I have begun to acknowledge my fears and address them. I have set up care for my return home after surgery. Preparation still to come includes meditation and relaxing the affected area, procuring the food and medicine that I will require to recover well, and possibly setting up a weekly flower delivery.
This Sunday I’m guiding a class called Yoga for Life: Envision 2022, and each participant will be creating their own vision board. I will prepare for class by creating my own vision board, which will include images and words for vibrant health and energy, unconditional love, fun learning and growth, creativity, and naps too!
I’m sharing my story because I feel empowered when I hear other women’s stories. It feels good to open up, share, and document my experience. Sharing and receiving also conveys the truth that I am not alone, you are not alone, and that we are stronger simply by being present for ourselves and each other. We all undergo challenges and experience pain. But as I just wrote in the thank-you e-mail to my teacher Erich, his support, guidance, and teaching have encouraged me to be brave, and I can come out the other end lighter, more clear, and inspired to do and be my best. And all I heard was my name.
From my heart to yours, sending love.
Alie